A mother knows if their child is gay
I always considered myself a liberal. I grew up outside of New York City, the melting pot, attended college and worked in New York, yet when I found out my son, James, age 13, was gay, I reverted to "not in my backyard." Suddenly, I went into denial mode; how could he be? He had a girlfriend whom he said he was going to bond. Although he didn't particularly like contact sports, he didn't exhibit the lgbtq+ stereotypical image: lisp, rainbow colors. How would he know he's gay, if he never had sex with a girl?
So What's This Uneasy Feeling I Have?
Back then, 1991, I didn't realize I was in denial. According to co-author of When Your Child Is Gay, Jonathan L. Tobkes, M.D., denial is the most frequent initial reaction of parents to the jolting news that their child is gay. When I interviewed straight parents for When Your Child Is Same-sex attracted, they used words such as fear, shock, helplessness, stress, and extreme sadness to describe their experiences with denial. Some even recounted feeling numb for awhile.
Why do parents who are normally accepting of their children go into the denial zone upon learning that their kid is gay, bisexual, even transgender? In hindsight, I think I was sh
Support for Parents of Toddler Who Says He’s Gay
Before saying anything else, we want you to understand that our hearts proceed out to you. Our prayers are with you, and we are privileged to have this opportunity to come alongside you in the midst of your pain and confusion.
The conflicting emotions you’re experiencing – crying one moment, angry the next – is a common and understandable reaction. Any loving parent in your position would feel the matching way. It’s also very likely that you’re struggling with grief – the natural reaction that occurs when we’ve encountered decrease. Though you may not yet recognize it, you’ve lost something significant. It may be the image of and beliefs you had about your son, your perceptions of yourself as a parent, or perhaps your desires and hopes for grandchildren. Whatever the case, it’s essential to identify and accept the reality of these losses. You may discover a helpful way to do this is though journaling or with the assistance of a intelligent pastor, counselor, your spouse, or a trusted friend.
Wise guidance and caring help is especially invaluable during the early stages of this crisis. At some point you’l
I am not a psychologist or an LBGTQ expert or an activist… I’m just a confident and loving mom of an amazing gay daughter!
In case any of you are moms (or dads) wondering if your child is gay or maybe if you are just the mom of any child… I thought I would share some of my thoughts and experiences over the years as my daughter “found herself” and finally “came out” (when she went off to college). These experiences while linked to her “gay coming out” can probably be extrapolated to all kids finding themselves and finally coming out in whatever way that may be…finding their true self. In reality, for me, it might be now at 50 that I think I am finally coming into my own!!
It all started in kindergarten when Claire wanted to wear a navy suit, button-down and loafers (just like her dad and brother!) to church on Easter Sunday. As a prissy young woman myself, I initiate it unusual but decided, why not! I bought her a cute minute suit and a lavender button-down and off she went, happy as can be. Throughout elementary school, Claire hung out with the boys during recess and participated in all the sports she could – girls’ soccer, basketball, and even boys’ flag football (she was the only girl on
Book Excerpt: Is Your Youngster Gay?
Excerpted fromWhy Is the Penis Shaped Like That? … And Other Reflections on Being Human, by Jesse Bering, by arrangement with Scientific American/Farrar, Straus and Giroux, LLC (North America), Transworld Ltd (UK), Jorge Zahara Editora Ltda (Brazil). Copyright © 2012 by Jesse Bering.
We all know the stereotypes: an unusually light, delicate, effeminate air in a small boy's step, an interest in dolls, makeup, princesses and dresses, and a strong distaste for tough play with other boys. In little girls, there is the outwardly boyish stance, perhaps a penchant for tools, a square-jawed readiness for physical tussles with boys, and an aversion to all the perfumed, delicate trappings of femininity.
These behavioral patterns are feared, loathed and often spoken of directly as harbingers of adult homosexuality. It is only relatively recently, however, that developmental scientists have conducted regulated studies to identify the earliest and most faithful signs of adult homosexuality. In looking carefully at the childhoods of male lover adults, researchers are conclusion an intriguing set of behavioral indicators that homosexuals seem to ha
As I relayed in When Your Minor Is Gay: What You Need To Know (Sterling, 2016), I found out that my son was gay from a note with our son's identify entwined with another boy's, surrounded by a heart. I accidentally found that note in his room when I was cleaning.
I never questioned him about the heart I found on the sly. How would I have brought it up? Guess I was wrong? After all, he had a crush on a teen in his class.
I had suspected at times that he was same-sex attracted. He only had girls to his thirteenth birthday party. He preferred gentler sports. He was always concerned about how he looked and followed fashion. Were these stereotypical thoughts from a straight mother? You bet, but it was ingrained through the culture's binary system and ideas about how males were "supposed to" behave.
As it turns out, our son didn't come out until he was 17, was on his own, and brought a crush to visit. Had I asked him if he were gay when he was 13, he probably would own defensively said "No!" He had to work it out and work through his denial. I'm glad I muzzled myself.
Susan Berland, the mother of a gay son who coaches parents of LGBTQ kids, caution, "It's not a good idea to ask. Let your c