What percent of gay couples are monogamous
Polyamory seems more common among gay people than direct people. What’s going on?
Are open relationships more ordinary among gaypeople? Or does it just seem that way?
Forms of non-monogamy, appreciate open relationships and multiple partners, have become hot topics in dating culture, stirring passionate responses from those in favor of these non-traditional relationship styles and those staunchly against them.
LGBTQ+ people seem to contain embraced non-monogamy more than straight people. According to a survey on relationships published online in 2018, 2% of heterosexual participants reported being in unseal relationships, as opposed to 32% of gay participants, 5% of lesbian participants and 22% of double attraction participants.
LGBTQ+ relationship experts, however, argue there's more to the story and caution against generalizing these figures to all gay people. Even though gay couples may statistically be more likely than straight couples to be non-monogamous, not every gay couple is − and assuming so does a disservice to the diversity of viewpoints and relationships styles within the LGBTQ+ community.
Why are gay people less likely to be monogamous?
Experts cite a few reasons why LGBTQ+ people mi
The Dirty Little Secret: Most Gay Couples Aren’t Monogamous
The stained little secret about gay marriage: Most gay couples are not monogamous. We have come to accept lately, partly thanks to Liza Mundy’s excellent recent cover story in the Atlantic and partly because we desperately need something to make the drooping institution of heterosexual marriage sound vibrant again, that gay marriage has something to coach us, that same-sex attracted couples provide a model for marriages that are more egalitarian and less burdened by the old gender roles that are weighing marriage down these days.
But the thorny part of the gay marriage experiment is sex, and more precisely, monogamous sex. Mundy writes about an elderly study from the ‘80s that initiate that gay couples were extremely likely to have had sex outside their relationship—82 percent did. That was before AIDS and the great matrimony craze in the male lover community. She also tells the story of Dan Savage, who started out wanting to be monogamous until he and his significant other had kids, and then they loosened up on that in order to make their union last. “Monogamish” is what he calls his new model. But as Mundy asks, can anyone out there visualize a husband pro
I’ve held this personal bias (irrational judgment?) against non-monogamous relationships for years.
I’ve had two open relationships in the past and both ended badly. But I also happen to have several really good friends who are either in or have explored relationships beyond monogamy, which are generally more common in the queer group. So, I often find myself bumping up against my subconscious judgments of people who I respect and care simply for having a relationship arrangement that didn’t labor out for me.
Recently, I decided it was finally day I confront my bias head-on and hear some friends out on their experiences with non-monogamy: the good, the bad, and the beautiful.
SEE ALSO: 7 people on what it’s really prefer to be polyamorous
First, I was curious why it seemed so many queers just couldn’t feel to keep it in their pants, even after deciding to commit. Build no mistake, monogamous relationships are still the standard, regardless of how you identify. However, a recent study suggests 30% of lgbtq+ men are actively in non-monogamous relationships. Some might even argue that this figure is on the more conservative side of already available data. It does stand to rea
Gay Men in Open Relationships: What Works?
Hint: It will take a lot of work.
As a couples counselor working with gay men I am often asked my opinion on monogamy and open LGBTQ relationships. What works for men in long-term relationships? First, the research.
Several research studies show that about 50% of gay male couples are monogamous and about 50% allow for sex outside of the connection. The research finds no difference in the level of happiness or stability among these groups.
Next, my opinions and advice, based on my therapy practice.
Talk About It Openly With Your Partner
If you and your partner want to have a close partnership and have additional sex partners, be prepared for a lot of talking. And I’m not just referring to discussions about when, where and with whom. I mean talking about feelings, what we therapists call “processing.”
If that kind of conversation makes you squirm, I realize. Most men are not socialized to embrace the sharing of intimate and vulnerable emotions. However, if you aren’t willing to experiment with processing then I suspect the closeness of your relationship may be limited, and you guys could be headed for
The bogus “couples study” is back… and this moment doing more harm than ever
Remember back in February when the news was all atwitter about how gay couples aren’t monogamous? Oh, gosh, it was a study, you comprehend, in which half of the gay marriages were open!
Well, it’s back. And the reporting on Colleen Hoff’s work is no more accurate this day than it was last time. The San Francisco Chronicle – which calls non-monogamous relations “San Francisco relationships” – breathlessly declares:
In her study of same-sex attracted couples, 47 percent reported open relationships. Forty-five percent were monogamous, and the remaining 8 percent disagreed about what they were.
We analyzed the claim – thoroughly – and it DID NOT support the claims. In fact, the sample was just about as far from agent of the gay collective as you could gain. As I said at the time:
In short, those reporting on this examine got it wrong. If there is any story here, it would be that a study of San Francisco bay area gay male couples, a sample which was highly skewed to include many participants who are less likely to value monogamy and which